I know that it’s 2am and I’ve just posted something, but I can’t sleep and all these musing posts are getting to be too much for even me, so here are some answers to some questions.
Questions taken from https://pageflutter.com/52-self-discovery-prompts/
1. What is your favourite physical characteristic (face or body)? Describe a time you felt proud of that feature.
I am riddled with insecurity, so literally the only part of my body that I’ve never felt insecure about at some point is my eyes. As I’ve mentioned before, I have heterochromia, so my eyes are two different colours. It’s quite fun because it’s not immediately obvious, but if I spend enough time with somebody they’ll eventually notice, and point it out to me as if I wasn’t aware of it already.
2. What physical characteristics are you most self-conscious about? How could you make peace with those?
DON’T GET ME STARTED. There’s too many to choose from. I suppose the most long lasting one is my nose, because it’s big and bent, but my biggest ones as of today are probably my chin and my bad posture. I suppose I make peace with it by reminding myself that if I was beautiful, I might go my whole life never knowing if people really like me, or if they just like my face. But because I’m kind of plain, it means that there’s something for people to look past, and so their feelings are probably truer.
3. What is your greatest strength? Describe a time this strength served you well.
My resilience, and my inability to give up. It served me well this academic year, because it got me through all my many exams and commitments in (just about) one piece, without having to stop doing any of my extracurricular things.
4. What is your greatest weakness? Describe a time this weakness held you back.
Obviously I have quite a few, but the one that probably holds me back the most is my tendency to self hatred and self deprecation. It’s pretty hard to function in life when you’re constantly telling yourself that you’re not good enough, and fundamentally unloveable.
5. Describe a time you felt especially valued and loved.
When Clover gave me a handmade Christmas card and told me all the reasons that she enjoys being my friend. She gave it to me at a time when I’d never really experienced love like that before, and it really stuck with me.
6. Finish this sentence: “I can’t stand it when other people…” Examine those character flaws. Do you also possess them? Be honest.
I can’t stand it when other people are unwilling to listen to another person’s point of view. I possess this to an extent: often if somebody does something that hurts me, I get caught up in my feelings of anger and self-righteousness for a while. But I can proudly say that I nearly always reflect on this a bit later, and try to act in the best way I can.
7. Today is your first day at your dream job. You’re so excited you can barely contain yourself. When you arrive at work, you take a minute to look around and appreciate the moment. You can’t believe you actually got this job. Where are you? Why do you value this job so much?
I’m in a huge music hall, maybe the Royal Albert. I’m one of the cellists in a massive orchestra, and tonight we’re going to play to a full audience, and I’m going to play beautifully. Maybe I’m even playing my own composition. I don’t know why I value this job so much. I doubt it’ll ever be my reality; I don’t make enough time to practise, and I started learning a bit late. But you never know. Maybe one day I’ll make it.
8. Name a book that spoke to you on a personal level. Why?
Simon vs the Homo Sapien Agenda. It described a lot of feelings surrounding coming out that I’d experienced myself, and I didn’t realise that they were normal feelings. Like feeling uncomfortable coming out to people you know will accept you, because they’ll view you differently now.
9. If you had a theme song, what would it be?
That horrible drum song from Hannibal: Mason’s song. It’s truly disturbing. I’m kind of joking, but there’s a certain clumsiness and ridiculousness about it that I feel fits me quite well.
10. Name an animal whose characteristics you admire. Are you in any way like that animal?
I admire a cat’s ability to sleep a lot and not give a single damn about what you think of them. I definitely care about what people think of me, but I’ve embraced being thought of as weird and awkward now, so I guess that’s a start.
There are 42 more questions for me to answer, but I think I’m finally ready for some sleep. I’ll save them for another day.